Radical acceptanceLetting go of the fight

0:04Letting go of the fight

Some things hurt and can't be changed, at least not right now: a loss, a diagnosis, something that already happened. Fighting reality in our minds, insisting it shouldn't be this way, can add a second layer of suffering on top of the pain.

Radical acceptance is a skill from dialectical behavior therapy. It means fully accepting reality as it is, in this moment. Radical means all the way: with your mind, your heart, and your body.

0:36What it isn't

Acceptance isn't approval. You can accept that something happened without believing it was okay or fair. It isn't giving up, either, and it never means putting up with harm.

Often, accepting what is frees up energy for changing what can be changed.

0:56How to practice

Start by noticing when you're fighting reality, with thoughts like, this isn't fair, or, this shouldn't be happening.

Then remind yourself: this is how it is, right now. A short phrase can help, like, it is what it is, or, I can't change the past, but I can choose what I do next.

Let your body practice too. Unclench your hands, soften your face, and breathe slowly.

Expect to choose acceptance again and again. It's a practice, not a single decision. Sadness or grief may come up as you let go of the fight, and that's part of it.

1:35Getting support

If you're struggling with something painful you can't change, like grief, trauma, or a loss, you don't have to work through it alone. Talk with your care team.

And if you're in crisis, call or text 988, any time, day or night.